Chapter 63 Kisses

My face flooded with heat. Jake kissed his way down the side of my neck and then back up. He found my ear and the gentle stroke of his tongue made me shiver. I stared at Keith while Jake worked magic that made my nipples hard and my body wet. Keith stared right back. Jake thrust up against me, one time only, and whispered into my ear. “I would never let another man do this to you.” My heart and my body were plunged into confusion. Anger swamped me. Part of me wanted to pull Jake closer and another part of me wanted to push him away. Guilt was a violent tempest within my head. I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to see Keith. But I couldn’t shake the fact that I wanted Jake. Jake was the one who stopped. He ran his fingers through my hair, kissed me hard and then slowly took a step back. He looked right at me while he spoke to Keith. “I can’t do this.” Keith looked from Jake to me. He didn’t seem surprised at all. Jake was breathing hard. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine for a long moment. “I’m the jealous kind,” Jake said. Keith did look surprised then. The edge of anger surfaced in his eyes. Though he buried it quickly, the quick blush on his face said he knew I saw it. Jake stepped away from me and handed me the wine. The bottle was cool but where his hand had been was almost slippery with warmth. He shook his head once, slowly, then turned and walked out of the kitchen. He went out the front door. “He’s too drunk to drive,” I told Keith. He didn’t meet my eyes. “He will be fine.” I ran to the front door. Jake was pulling out of the driveway. He gunned the engine and tore down the road without looking back. There was no way I could have stopped him. I turned to see Keith standing there behind me. “Is that what you wanted to see?” I almost hissed. “Yes.” I threw myself at him like a wildcat. Keith caught my arms and we both tumbled to the floor, right there in the open doorway. The wine bottle thumped on the floor and then rolled across the hardwood, spilling drops of wine as it went. Keith yanked my shirt open. I pulled his jeans down. Within seconds he was buried inside me, thrusting hard into the wetness Jake had created. It was the best fuck of my life. I could not get Jake off my mind. Keith called a few times but Jake never answered his phone, and didn’t return the messages. Days went by and Keith and I settled back into our routine. We rarely mentioned Jake and we never mentioned what had happened that night. It sat between us like the elephant in the room that nobody mentions, but that nobody can ignore. It was a few days later when Keith came into the bedroom and saw me packing the smallest of my suitcases. “Where are you going?” he asked. I was quiet as I pushed in a pair of sandals. “I’m taking a few days up at the cabin,” I said. “I need time to think.” Keith glared at me. He went from calm and collected to furious in the time it took me to answer him. “Like hell you are,” he said. “Like hell you do.” I wasn’t expecting that. Keith had taken my silence in stride these last few days. Surely he knew what was going through my head? Did he really think everything would continue as it had been? “I feel as though I have done something horrible,” I said to him, and I was chagrined at the tears that pricked my eyes. I had sworn that I wouldn’t cry over this. I took a deep breath. “I feel as though I have betrayed you, and myself, and even Jake. I need time to sort things out in my head and I can’t do that here with you.” Keith grabbed my wrist as I reached to close the suitcase. He shoved it off the bed. Clothes went everywhere. I didn’t move as he stood over me. “You said you were okay with what you did,” Keith said. “You were okay with it. What if Jake hadn’t stopped? You would have fucked him just like you fucked me as soon as he left.” My face flooded with heat. “I thought that was what you wanted,” I said to him. “I didn’t want to lose you over him!” Keith hollered. “That’s what I warned you might happen!” I hollered right back. “I told you I wasn’t comfortable with it! I told you I was a one-man woman! I told you those things and you kept insisting. You were so certain I would like it that you pushed and pushed and pushed and now this is how I feel and I can’t help it. I don’t know what to think or what to do or what to want anymore!” Keith stared at me with wide eyes. For the first time, I saw fear in them. “Your lack of jealousy is not something I can handle,” I said softly. “You show your love in so many ways. But if you really loved me, wouldn’t you want me to be with you, and nobody else?” “If I really loved you,” Keith countered, “it seems to me I would want you to have as much pleasure as possible.” I took a deep breath. “In this whole situation,” I said, “the one thing you haven’t taken into account is that maybe being with you and nobody else being your girlfriend, and not being touched by any man but you – is the most pleasurable thing I can imagine.” Keith sank down on the bed. He let go of my wrist. My hand throbbed, and I rubbed it while Keith watched me. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said. “It’s all right. I know you didn’t mean it.” “I don’t mean just your wrist. I’m sorry for all of this.” Keith and I looked at each other. Finally he looked down at the suitcase, but not before I caught the tears in his eyes. “I think we both need time to think,” I said, and Keith nodded. “You’re right.” I should have been happy that he agreed with me, but instead I felt as though I had lost something very special in return for winning the argument. I sat down on his lap and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Keith buried his face against my neck. We sat there like that until the sun started to fall from the sky. I watched the stars and thought about the last few weeks. I knew I couldn’t handle making that fantasy a reality. If kissing Jake in the kitchen had caused so much turmoil, there was no way that I could handle doing anything more. But pleasing a man was so important to me, and I wanted to give Keith the fantasies he longed to fulfill. He had trusted me enough to share them, and this was how I rewarded him? It seemed we were at an impasse, with no compromise possible. I laid there on the deck and watched the stars twinkle.